I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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