Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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