yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
