Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
