My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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