epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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