he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.