508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?