I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?