I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays