Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.