You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard