I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.