At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we're so committed to being not committed