I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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