escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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