"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
false alarm, still single
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
