we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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