I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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