I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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