i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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