I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
