So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
