I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
