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Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You pole danced in your parka.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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