This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
