I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
