i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
