are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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