how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
