Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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