It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
