We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
