I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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