You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
