Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
