It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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