She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We left the knife in your bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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