Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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