i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
