So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize