dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
