so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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