Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
