ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
