Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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