just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
