I look better un-naked...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
