The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
