matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
