1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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