I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
