I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
