You work out of a Hotel?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
