Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
