at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
