forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
