Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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