I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
