Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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