I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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