wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
