He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
