She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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