My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
