yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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