My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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