Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
