I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
