ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
