Already got asked if we're dating
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
