If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I believe in your delicious
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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