turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
