I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
