Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
