I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
