Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
