i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
