It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
