ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
